The big apple

My king you were right in surmising that those audio links are my NY blogs. It's been hard to get onto a computer for any real amount of time. I hope that you eventually get a chance to listen to them. They are all for you just like everything else I write. I am at my husband's place right now, I'm going to stay here again tomorrow too. I'm leaving on Thursday. This trip was supposed to be a heal the heart and shop till you're happy trip, but I have been doing nothing more than crying at every thing. This was probably the dumbest thing to do right now...Come here so close to you and not even be able to see you. Oh damn this all sucks so much.

I am happy that you are changing. I hope that when you are finished with this rite you will have found the inner peace that you have desired for so long. I know that I do not understand all that you are going through, but I am trying my king. Doubt is not a fair feeling when you are already going through so much. I put my car into a 24 hour garage for the next couple of days so that I'm not tempted to drive to CT. Can't get there on the hoof patrol. I've been so weak this trip. I can't even think for myself right now. I had to take my ex-boyfriend, the house dj, with me to China Town yesterday so that he could do all of my bargaining for me. I would have just thrown my money away yesterday without him. I cried on his shoulder so many times yesterday, I felt bad telling him how much I loved you and have never loved another the same way. I told him how much pain I've been in, he even noticed the cuts, I thought he was going to kill me when he saw that shit.

I've got to go. My hubby is out of the shower and I need to get in so that he can get to work...We are going to have breakfast first. I will try to write more later. Maybe one of the monks will give you a pair of headphones...

Be strong and focus on what must become of you next.

What was the name of that writer's bar? I know that by the time I get a chance to read this again I may already be home, but let me know for the next trip.