The great lie

J is still laying in my bed right now, but I couldn't take it a second longer, I had to get up and write. I've been writing this blog the entire time we were fucking. Sitting here drinking wine, smoking a cigarette(yeah, in the house), in an oversized flannel that's hanging open with a white bra and cute little girl boxers with a butterfly and "follow me" in rhinestones on the butt. You could say I feel as sexy as I look right now.

Of course I'm still listening to your mix. I'm a sick person too...I haven't' played it while fucking him, but I do play it all the rest of the time. I think of you constantly. When he is laying his hands on me I'm imagining you, your face, your eyes, your lips, your beautiful bald head. As I take control of him, I imagine it's you, forcing his lips to my breasts, then down my flat stomach to my naked pubis, making him lick up all of my wetness. Thoughts of you race through my mind, I shove his head down deeper between my legs, bucking my hips as an orgasm rises out of my depths, screaming out against my clenched teeth trying not to yell your name. I breathe in deep and try to focus. I grab the bed posts and swing my legs up, hooking my toes into the head board he drives his fingers in and out of me stroking me trying to make me cum again, I think of you and I get wetter and relax allowing him to drive his fingers deep...Penetrating every orifice. My eyes roll back in my head, I reach down and start to rub my engorged clit as he fucks me harder with his hands, his knuckles digging into my bruises from the dj, making me cum again, I spread my legs more demanding that he gives me more, goes deeper, strikes the spot, I'm rubbing my clit, I cum so hard this time I squirt my juices all over him. He slides inside of me fucking me digging his fingers into my bruises making me feel the pain of losing you all over again, I try to focus, but all I see is you. All I want is you. I close my eyes and imagine another time, another place, a place where life is different and I get everything that I want.

J told me today that he thought the reason I left him for the last month was because I was out there trolling around for someone better than him, but I couldn't find it and now I'm back. Little does he know, I found the best, I just can't put it together to have it yet.