Something New

I've decided to try something a little new with my life, I'm going to quit smoking pot before noon, that's a good start, and then slowly I'm going to just try to do away with my need for this wacky weed. I've got to much to do, to many things to accomplish, and I'm not getting anywhere at this current pace. So, I'm going to try to change things up a bit, besides, I've got almost a full bottle of xanax to help regulate me. Fuck I wish that I just had health insurance so that I could get all of the meds that I need, the adavan(sp) helps a ton, I wish that I had more of those. I really do need something to regulate this depression, anxiety, and of course my ADD. It's funny as I sit here discussing the fact that I'm going to quit smoking early, the bong is calling my name, it's only inches from the computer, right where I left it last night when I was working on a story.

"Smoke me!" It's screaming at me!

I will not cave into this temptation though, I've got to get out of the house and get shit done today! This is all easy to say now since the adopted one isn't here, but the minute she walks in the door she's going to holler at me, "Let's roll one before work."

I'll just have to stay strong. It's weird trying to write without having smoked first. It's taking me three times longer to get out each thought because of all of the mumbo-jumbo in my head. It's like someone is sitting on the remote control and the channels are just flipping by at hyperspeed.

CONCENTRATE BITCH!

I need to find someone that can teach me how to put music on my blog and on my website. I woke up to Destiny's Child, "Survivor", on MTVJ this morning, I wanted it to be my theme song for today. That would be cool, to be able to change the music to match my mood everyday. I guess I need to learn how to write HTML. Probably would do me a world of good in this day and age. That will be one of the first classes I take when I go back to school. Fuck what am I going to go to school for? I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up, other than the president and a well known novelist. I guess Political Science should be my major then...Or maybe I'll go to law school. I've decided to take everything that I can get right now. J is crawling on his knees to please me right now, offering me anything that I want. Promises of love I've heard before, so...I'll take what I can get and not involve my emotions.

I'm beyond scattered at this point in my life, I've moved onto shattered.