This life...

This life that I have is going to end up being the death of me soon. I can't stand going on like this anymore, being cut off from you again is more than I can handle. I've read your new site...How much of it's true?

Watched that movie "Secretary", last night with the adopted one. She had never seen it before, but did end up thoroughly enjoying it. Of course the movie made me think of you, but then again, I can't look at anything without thinking of you. You have consumed me completely and I can't find my freedom from you and your memories. Everything is so much pain now, all of the happiness has been taken away by a cruel succubus who comes to me through the computer to steal what's left. Everyday a little more cruelty is inflicted. Everyday I start a new chapter of pain. What am I to do? I tried to prove to you that you are the only one for me, I tried to show you that only you have that power over me. If only it were as simple as in the movie, sitting at a desk not moving a muscle for days till you come to rescue me...But I know now that I will never be the one you are rescuing. I'll have to find a new master. I don't know if that is possible though. I have already signed my soul over to you, I have already given all of me to you, I am already possessed by your being, consumed by your very soul, so many years ago. Why do you think I searched for you for so long? Why do you think that I never really settled down? My soul already belonged to a master, whom I had lost and was desperately searching for. You think that by pulling away you are making it easier? You are so wrong my king. It may be a little easier for you and your family, but for mine...It's getting to be too hard. Everyday I fight the urge to drive my car off of a bridge into one of the many frozen rivers around here. Considering where I live, I'm presented with this opportunity about 30 times a day, that takes a lot of will power when you really don't want to live. I keep trying to remember what it was like to be happy...I don't think there has ever been a time that I have truly been happy, other than when you first answered my email. Remembering that can be way too painful...

I've got to drive the adopted one to work in a few. I better put on some warm clothes, there is a ton of snow out there today!