Home

I just walked in the door and rushed to the computer yet again in search of some word from you...Still nothing on any of the accounts. The drive home wasn't too bad other than the rain. I listened to a ton of music that reminded me of you and thought about how much all of this has truly hurt me. I wonder how I allowed myself to get so hurt so quickly...Usually I keep my guard up forever. Maybe, it's because of our history, but I should know by now that no matter how much things may appear to be the same, every thing constantly changes and evolves. I was thinking about how you cultivated my favorite hobby in your wife, making it her career, how you say her voice sounds like mine, etc...You tried to replace me with her. The things we must do to cope, to evolve , to survive in this world. I'm beginning to wonder what I must do to cope? What will finally satisfy me? My husband's favorite saying about me is that I'm never satisfied with anything no matter how great it may be, I'm always looking for something else, some other level of existence perhaps?

Off to unpack and shower...Then I'll be back to pay the bills and probably write more.