Trouble Sleeping

I must be fully cured, because my insomnia is back in full force. I've been trying to go to back to sleep for about an hour now without much luck, I get tired of just laying there staring at the ceiling. I figured that I've got so much music to upload I might as well just get out of bed and take care of it. Besides, if I sit here long enough, I'll get tired, especially if I get smoky...Which I've cut way back on.

J leaves for FL on Monday till the 24th, I think. He's got meetings all day today, so I won't even see him again till he gets back from FL. Apparently I am back in his good graces, I've been a model pet these last few weeks. His being by my side through all of this sickness helped me be able to be nice. He left me the task of job searching while he is gone. We go through this routine every winter, he gets all paranoid that he is spending too much money on me without being able to see me all that often, but I'm not the one that keeps telling him to go to FL! Besides, if I want the judge to be more lenient on me, I need to go through the motions again to prove that there just isn't any work out there for a girl like me. Until I get some type of schooling behind me, my record is going to cancel out everything. Not that any of it really matters at this point in my life, but it will eventually, so I might as well take care of this now, while J is footing the bills.

I feel so sick right now...My stomach is doing flips. So much for being better. Maybe if I smoke a little it will calm my tummy.

Damn I'm so fucking horny...I was trying to get my hubby to come home this weekend. He wanted me to go to FL with him for the Super Bowl, but I've got a double whammy swim meet this weekend and a slumber party planned for the girls on Saturday night with their little friend Z. Hopefully he will decide to come home and I'll be able to get some of that big Israeli cock. I miss him so much sometimes it just tears me up inside. I wish that I could make things right between us again. I think that once I finish school and get myself a real job instead of depending on J, he will be able to accept me a little bit more. I know he thinks that I'm just crazy right now, but what he doesn't realize is that I needed this time, now though, I'm done with this. I needed to be pampered by someone, I needed to feel like I was something special. After the way that I've grown up, or not grown up as the case may be, I need all of the special attention that I can get.

I just finished uploading The Cure, "Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me", I haven't listened to this disc in ages. As it loads itself into iTunes it automatically starts playing...Images of us under blankets on the back of the bus are running through my mind. Images of us rolling around together in the gym of some strange school while we wait to swim, hands caressing each other's lithe bodies, lips meeting full of passion, bodies warming up, teasing, touching, licking, all over one another. Damn, these memories are so powerful. Why must I be tortured again and again with these visions of what should have been?